Users Mock Google Battery App En Masse

Device Health Services | Too Far Gone

For those that have already plugged into Skynet via Google wholesale, self-updating phones and curious looking processes are par for the course. But Pixel (and presumably Nexus) owners might have noticed an interesting update for an application called Device Health Services crop up in the last few days or so.

The purpose of the program is to display different types of mobile device usage, showing users what and where the drain on their battery is coming from. This falls in line with Google’s strategy to move things off of the OS and onto the Play Store.

Unsure why there was a need to make an application that provides “personalized battery estimates based on your actual usage” independent of the device itself? Surprised to find such a strangely named application exists on your phone? You aren’t the only one. Many bemused users have even taken to mockingly reviewing the application. A quick scroll through its page on the Play Store will display scores of satirical anecdotes poking fun at the unfortunately titled application.

“My device was dreadfully ill,” begins one review, “I tried everything. I tried alternative medicines, I tried specialists, I tried LSD… Nothing seemed to work. Finally I happened to cross paths with a blind Tibetan monk while on safari in the Amazon. He recommended I try this app (and more LSD) and after I awoke from a 6 week black-out my phone was cured! It was no longer infected with sentience.”

From obesity to autism, Device Health Services seems a one stop cure all — according to the masses anyway. You can find some choice “reviews” in the gallery below. Sadly however, the funniest ones to read are written by users that seem to be genuinely struggling with their device and its battery life.

Searching for the application in the Play Store appears to yield no results, so those looking to read more from the Patch Adams school of smartphone care — or those looking to contribute a verse — will have to do so from a device that has access to the program already. 

Image Sources: Google LLC/Google Play Store via TFG Contributor

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